Zagreb: Final, Personal, Reflections

I am sitting on a plane looking out the window and watching Croatia and the Western Balkans disappearing behind me. And once again, I’m listening to Brandon Flowers cracking album. As I said in the first blog, there is always a CD that defines a holiday. When I heard ‘Crossfire’ in the middle of the Kapitol shopping centre, I knew my prediction had been right. It’s not just me that enjoys reflective (? Miserable?!) music.

I have had an interesting few days and it has shown me that I am able to travel alone and without work; I have to admit dinner is pretty lonely as a single traveller and I have done an awful lot of reading at the table and in cafes. That said, I am largely happy with my own company and at times being alone is good; when I got a little lost trying to get up the mountain and had to wait 50 minutes for a bus as the lift was closed, I can imagine Bro not enjoying this very much!! But sitting in the Sunday sun with a nice glass of Croatian Pinot, I did want someone to share how good this wine was with. But I also realise, we don’t just travel to ‘find ourselves’ but we also travel to show to others who we are; travelling to new, unusual places says something about me and I should not stop doing this as it would stop me being me.

I asked a number of questions on the way out. I asked what I would find in the city: divisions in identity and new insights into European culture? The city is certainly not neurotic and far from being of multiple cultures but you can see it collectively, adapting at once acknowledging its past and wrestling with where it is heading, politically, socially and culturally.

Personally? Well, I am once again reminded how much I like travelling (I think Sarajevo is now on the list) but also how much I want to stay in a place and discover what is really like. I enjoy being ‘imbedded’ as I was in Grenoble. I did wonder if I wanted to return to France but increasingly I think I want to go somewhere new; my trips to Prague, Tallinn and, now, Zagreb make me very interested in the ‘Eastern European’ culture. If I could find a contract helping develop research in an Eastern European (or Western Balkan) city then I would be interested. A bit of a gamble, I know, but the risk of what it would do for my career development compared to what it might do for my personal development is a bet I am prepared to place.
So a mixed personal journey allowing me time to reflect on my career and desire for someone to explore this world with as well as time to see how a country and its capital city adapts to Europe and retains its proud national identity.

Or as some lyrics from ‘Jilted Hearts and Broken Hearts’ on the ‘holiday album’ (quoted more narrowly on my way to Zagreb) describe the choices we have:

“Is there anyone out there?

Somewhere I can belong?

Man, this city just ain’t so kind tonight.

I need a place to take refuge.

See, I have been loving you blind.

I guess it may be hard for me to find

That we were caught up in the middle

Of a worn out dream

I knew we were in trouble

But baby I almost screamed.

When I saw you dancing,

On the moon now,

I watched him spin you round and round.

Why did you roll your dice? Show your cards?

Jilted lovers and broken hearts!

You’re flying away while I am stuck here on the ground!

[…]

You’re out on the wind and I’m still waiting to be found.

Will I ever win? Only time will tell!”

(Jilted Lovers and Broken Hearts)